NO. (SAY IT AND MEAN IT), by Brittany Ramos

When I was still in college, someone gave me the advice to say yes to every opportunity and learn as much as you can. I took that advice to heart and at one point was working full time, serving on the board of four non-profit organizations (including WEN), earning my master’s degree, and planning my wedding at the same time.

It was great until it wasn’t.

My moment of self-awareness came during COVID. I was live producing the stream of the WEN Greater Pittsburgh Chapter Annual Gala on Twitch to help raise money for the nonprofit selected that year and to keep connections tight with our members.

Five minutes before the start of the program, I got a call from my aunt who had been taking care of my grandmother and grandfather in Fullerton, California. She had retired early from her career to be a caretaker as they were both declining in health and my grandmother was sliding deeper into the terrible disease of Alzheimer’s.

I picked up the phone and she said, “Brittany. This is it – Pap is dying.” My grandfather was about to take his last breath and here I was – all the way on the other side of the country with no way to do anything. I didn’t have anyone else at my current company who I could tag-in to help with the WEN event with such short notice.

So, I numbly hung up with my aunt, turned on my webcam, and produced the entire hour-long event as planned.

This was my WTF moment, but it was not the only one – and I guarantee you have all had those as well. Moments when you look around and wonder “how the hell did I get here?” that seem so surreal you suddenly realize it was not one decision but many that lead to that point in time.

The true danger of saying yes is every time you agree to something, you are saying no to something else. It may be another opportunity, it may be the ability to sleep in 10 extra minutes in the morning, it may be the mental space to think creatively about a solution instead of being in back-to-back meetings. Shoutout to Amanda Stewart for that perspective.

I’m certainly not perfect at this – but I did want to share three recommendations as you consider your own list of involvement.
 

1. Do not allow yourself to just say “yes” on the spot; buy yourself time to truly understand the ask. Having a firm answer relies on having firm details. Whether it’s leading the PTO at your child’s school or guest lecturing at your alma mater – many times our gut screams at us to say yes but the initial offer/request may not have all the details you need to make a truly sound decision. We love being helpful and sometimes we get into trouble when we say: “yes, please send me the details.” Which then can be super awkward when you find out you volunteered during work hours you can’t miss, or the guest lecture is three states away. Get the details first, then make your decision.
    
2. Understand that saying “no” now does not mean “no” forever. I was an inactive member of WEN for a few years. It wasn’t that I hated my time there, the people there, or the events – it simply did not fit into where I was in my career or personal life. And now things have shifted allowing me the space to rejoin and be active again.
    
3. “No.” is a complete sentence – you do not owe anyone an explanation. As a professional woman, I am often trapped into the “being polite/likeable” box. I mean – raise your hand if you HAVEN’T been told to smile by a colleague in your life. Anyone? Polite but firm is a good way to go if you feel the need as you navigate various relationships but never let anyone pressure you into something…unless it’s Sally Hallingstad.😉 Remember that you (and the people in your life/work) have to live with your yeses while the person asking likely does not. NOTE: This does not apply to your boss – please don’t tell them “Brittany Ramos said I can tell you “no” because it’s a complete sentence.”
    

Saying “no” is not about closing doors – it is about making sure where you spend your time is aligned to who you are and what you wish to be. By setting boundaries, you create space for opportunities that truly resonate with your goals and values.

If you have tips for how you prioritize your own commitments, I would love to hear about it – find me on the WEN Membership platform (Glue Up) or LinkedIn to share!

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Brittany Ramos
WEN Global Regional Director
Program Manager - Supply Chain Data Governance & Analytics, Eaton

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